New

It's all about "where do I begin"? Do I go all the way back to August and try and catch you up? Ugh. Double Ugh. For those of you that are close to me I think you know perfectly well that I would rather eat nails coated in battery acid before I would like to recoup the past few months. So what do you say we just start here, now, today? Here now today, as told through some photos from the last few weeks? The new backyard. With woods and trees and stumps and stuff for little boys to climb.

And new walls.

For little boys to draw and color on.

They did have permission...I promise...even though Cooper looks amazingly guilty...he is not.

New bedrooms.

With new doors.

For little boys to slide notes under.

And try and smash each other's fingers.

And to hang "keep out" signs on.

And best of all.

Lots and lots and lots of space to decorate.

We started off with Halloween and those lovely candy corn lights...

Stay tuned. Thank you for your patience. And to my close friends and family...thank you for your amazing love and support. I am digging out from the rubble. I am cautiously taking those few first steps, trying to find my footing. There are not words for the gratitude I have for all of you. I truly owe you my life.

Yes yes,

Yes, I understand. I will wait while you get up off the floor. You back and situated? My, I hope you didn't spill your coffee. Or worse yet, your wine. And it being my fault n'all. Okay. So here is my goal. I will post an actual real live honest to goodness post by the end of the weekend. I know I know. It's a lofty goal. But I'm feeling up to the challenge. See I figure if I put it out there, I'll have to keep my word. Kind of like telling the world around you you're gonna quit smoking instead of just "telling yourself". It's all about accountability. I'm gonna go do some calisthenics now...work on my breathing...stretch.

Pittsburgh

Thank you, thank you, thank you Grammy K and Pop Pop.

Thank you for the weekend.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the baseball.

Thank you for the zoo.

Thank you for the Uno.

Thank you for the hotel.

Thank you for the Kettle Corn.

Thank you for the Cotton Candy.

Thank you for the Lollipops.

Thank you for the Sting Rays.

Thank you for the Bumper Cars.

Thank you for the Race Cars.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for driving...the VW, the bumper car, the race car.

Thank you for coming in first place.

Thank you for the moments, that will become the memories, that will shape our lives.

A Kiss

As I am tucking Duncan in and kissing him goodnight...

"Mom, a kiss can have amazing possibilities."

Oh my dear sweet Duncan...yes, I believe you are correct.

Silver, Smiles and Moms

Say what you want...silver shoes just rock.

You know what else rocks? Moms. Moms in silver shoes. Me and my mom in silver shoes. Me and my mom. In our silver shoes. At my brother's birthday party. Smiling. Laughing. That's what rocks.

Color

Reminder

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

-Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Smile

Get away.

Put your feet in the water.

Slow down.

Take a deep breath.

Focus on what is good.

Keep calm.

Carry on.

Liberate

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson From her book: Return To Love

Summer

Summer = fireworks Little boys + snappers = Duncan airborne Are you familiar with the little fireworks that you throw to the ground and they snap? My boys LOVE them...we go through hundreds of them.

Sunny

It seems only fitting to now blog about my other boy... This boy who looks so grown up and serious. So handsome. So amazing. This child who is in that wonderfully beautiful stage between little boy and little big boy... This child who gives his love so abundantly.

Let me share.

This is Duncan with blue blankey. These pictures are taken within weeks of each other. This is how Duncan holds blue blankey...with the embroidered rocking horse between his fingers and his thumb in his mouth. This is the ONLY time you will every see Duncan suck his thumb.

The top photo is the little big boy...the bottom photo is little boy...

Tonight I was holding Duncan who was holding blue blankey and as most of you know I call him Sunshine or "Sunny" for short...

Me: Oh Sunny, I love you sooo much.

Duncan: Oh Mommy, I love you too.

Me: Will you always be my Sunny?

Duncan: Mommy, I promise I will always bring light into your life...

Do you have any idea how drop dead incredible it was to hear that?

Does he know?

Cooper very much likes his mom and dad to come to school with him, to come to morning meeting, to attend his field trips, to be a "driver" etc. So this past Friday I joined Cooper on a field trip to the creek to hunt for fossils. I took my camera because, well, I'm ME...and after taking portraits of every child in Cooper's class, I turned the camera to him. He is so used to this I don't even think he notices which I am so thankful for. I loved coming home and downloading all the photographs. The photos of all the other children were so much fun, something different. (I ordered prints for all the parents and just picked them up at Target.) As I looked through them and sorted, I found myself gravitating toward photos where he wasn't looking at the camera like the one above. Then I looked back through ALL my photos and realized that this shot looking down on him (and those of Duncan too) are some of my favorites... I look at this and think... Does he know how much I love him? Does he know how I worry about his separation anxiety and wonder if it will fade in time? Does he know that in a strange way I cling to his separation anxiety because it means he still needs me? Does he know that I see so much of myself in him? Does he know that when he gets upset because things aren't perfect I understand deep down in my soul? Does he know that I love when he holds my hand? Does he know that I love when he says to me "a mommy's job is never done" because I realize that on a six year old level he "gets" what I do for him? Does he know that I understand when he pretends not to need me but really does? Does he know that I love and hate how fiercely independent he is about his wardrobe? Does he know that I love how he looks forward to reading to me at night? Does he know how much I love his freckles? Does he know how badly I want everything wonderful and amazing in this world for him? Does he know how much I love that we count at night and tuck each other's kisses away to keep us safe in the night? Does he know how much I look forward to the planet that he will pick? I love you all the way to _______ and back? Does he know how much I love him? Does he know?

Dreams

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true." ~ Woodrow Wilson

Those times when you love being wrong

My sister always said he looked like me... And I'm not saying I wasn't always hopeful... But I'll admit to a bit of skepticism. However, Would you check out those eyes?! I'm thinking maybe...just maybe...she was on to something.

One day in his life

Who is this sly smooth cowboy you ask?

Why it's Duncan who is so TOTALLY proud of himself for graduating from Preschool! Of course I said the same thing last year when Cooper graduated, but, "wow! that went quick". Unlike his brother, Duncan never had a moment of fear or anxiety the first day I dropped him off at preschool. He simply walked in, gave me a hug and said "bye mom". So here we are 2 years later and on our way to kindergarten. I am just so totally proud of him. Proud of how smart he is, how friendly he is, how kind he is. And I am head over heals that I get to spend these "little days in his life" with him.

Focus

Sometimes when the world around me is nutty and crazy, I find it helps to focus on the good, simple, light things... *remembering how much I love taking (and looking at) photos of my boys *the smell of lavender soap in my bathroom *open windows, breeze *hummus with extra virgin olive oil *teaching Cooper ebay *sleeping with little boys that wear no shirts (they are soooo soft next to me) *sounds of nature on my iPod (totally dorky but very relaxing) *the smile that I know is on a friends face when we talk on the phone *wearing skirts and flip flops *giving Duncan a haircut...his face is way too cute to have hair all over it *clean sheets *reading Star Wars EVERY night to my boys

Things I Love

1.) The Weather Channel 2.) Pillow spray 3.) Pictures of Duncan in the homemade tree swing 4.) Carmel popcorn - PoppyCock with Cashews is killer 5.) A man who can dance - my dad is a perfect example 6.) Sleeping on hot nights with NO AIR CONDITIONING - just the fan 7.) Lip gloss (it had to be said) 8.) The space between Cooper's front teeth 9.) Croissants 10.) Flying - I really should have been a pilot (or a weathergirl)

Boootchie

Ten things you might not know: 1.) This is my brother, Ira Nathan aka Butchie 2.) He turned 36 yesterday 3.) He is single...(and looking :-)) 4.) Cooper thinks he WALKS ON WATER 5.) He thinks Coop (and Dunc) are pretty darn cool too 6.) He builds kick ass stone walls 7.) He loves to talk (it's an Adelson trait) 8.) He made the bracelet I wear everyday 9.) If you are lucky enough to be his friend/family he will do almost anything for you 10.) He is an awesome advertisement for our father...is that a killer smile or what?! Happy birthday dear brother...I love you.

How well do you know me?

If you know that I have a little "problem" then you know me very very well. Count yourself among my closest friends/family. I don't share my addictions with just anyone.

Hello

At first there was fun teasing, then irritated annoyance, followed up by "I loved the mean bad butterflies 6 WEEKS AGO" and now threats to delete the blog's bookmark. I get it; I do. And I wish that I had some glorious explanation for my absence. But alas...I have none. I think most of all I lacked inspiration. Sometimes I had the thoughts in my head but I was lackluster when it came to photography, or I would take a lovely picture and for the life of me could not conjure up anything remotely interesting to say about it. And then, well, there is my ongoing complicated relationship with March... I've been walking around with writers/photographers block. I needed inspiration...I needed aaahhhh with a smile. I just had to wait for it to come, I had to be patient and trust that it would return. And last night I think it did... I was busy fixing dinner, probably had a gazillion things running through my head, when out of the corner of my eye I see this out my pantry door... I knew what they were doing. I knew it was for me. Aaaaahhhh. Aaaahhhh with a smile.

It's that simple act. That act which one can not tell who derives more pleasure from, the giver or the receiver.

I see you my sweet. I see you making your momma smile. I see.

I get it; I do.

Mean bad butterflies

They were all out of "mom" tattoos...

Here's to 10 more

Yes, so it has occurred to me that I so very rarely blog about my "other" life. You know...my WORK life. Which is odd really because it's where I spend most of my time and it's a job I love. My Comfort Keepers office will celebrate its 10 year anniversary this year. Wow. Double wow. And in that 10 years I have come a long way both professionally and personally. I have had the honor of working with some of the most kind, compassionate and remarkable people. My office has cared for over 500 individuals and families in the greater Williamsport area. I have employed hundreds of people and I finally it the 1,000,000.00 sales mark! When I look back at all the people who have helped me and encouraged me over the last ten years I am speechless (I know...surprising). I definitely had no idea when I joined this organization I would meet so many amazing people...there are so many Comfort Keepers owners that I truly consider dear dear friends. I feel so blessed to have made these connections and relationships. So to all of you...my friends and family who have supported me endlessly, to the astonishing women that I have had the honor of coming into the office each day and working with, to my extraordinary caregivers who give their time and care so passionately, to the fabulously crazy and wonderful fellow owners out there. I really do love you all. I love what we do each day and I am proud of what we have accomplished. Here's to 10 more!

Around here

Around here our taste buds must not know that Autumn is a distant memory because Honey Crisp apples still top our grocery list. Around here our minds are ready for spring, ready for going out without a coat and ready to hear birds chirping in the morning. Around here there lives a very very poor blogger or at least a blogger with very little time to blog lately. Around here there is a new home nearing completion. Around here there is a 5 year old who learned how to whistle. Around here there is lots of Mark Knopfler playing. Around here I have two boys who know more about Star Wars than George Lucas does (or at least they think they do). Around here my house never seems to stay clean or even picked up for that matter. Around here I seem to wake up at 3am and lie there thinking about everything that needs to be accomplished. Around here we still have our icicle lights up...and absolutely no plans to take them down anytime soon. Around here I am looking forward to a shopping trip with Bryn and baby Katie on Friday. Around here I'd love to go on but I have two little boys who need tubbies.

Happy Love Day

Ohhh a day full of love love love. Breakfast full of strawberries, raspberries, powdered sugar and whip cream. Personalized cookies. Hearts and pearls. Kisses and hugs. Oh how awesome love is!