Perfectly Lovely

My it's been awhile hasn't it?  I see the blog needs some work.  Things are a bit different here at blogger.com.  I've taken the weekend to reacquaint myself.  I need to fix the header, I need to fix spacing, I need to update the links and information on the side.  I'll get to all that.  Maybe.  But for now I need to say hello.  I'm still here - WE are still here.  Growing up, learning, experiencing, laughing, crying, playing and living.

So much going on, so much has happened and so much to come. Cooper starts 5th grade today. PUBLIC school for the first time.  25 kids in his class vs. in the entire school (slight exaggeration but not by much). Duncan starts 4th grade but not until after Labor Day.  We head to Pittsburgh this weekend for our annual trip and Pirates game.

My plan is to get to know my blog again.  If for no one else but my boys.  This was the place that I documented their lives.  Our lives.  I want them to know (through my words and my photographs) how we lived.  They will have their own memories, but I want them to also have mine.  I want them to know what we ate for dinner, what we talked about, what we struggled with and what made us laugh so hard we fell off our chairs.

So that is my goal.  My goal for tomorrow and next week.  Maybe even my goal for later today.

My goal right this very second is to go snuggle Duncan (who just got dropped off) and kiss him way too many times.  That, I believe is a perfectly lovely way to start a day...

Food

Sometimes I want a personal chef.

Sometimes I just want more hours in the day to cook myself.

I want kids that have adult pallets who will eat things like Watercress, Pistachio and Orange Blossom Salad.

But I'm glad that I have kids that eat broccolini, zucchini, green beans and asparagus.

I now understand how my mother could sit down and "read a cookbook".

I love that the cookbooks of today have amazing photographs vs. the cookbooks my mom read.

Swiss Chard has got to be one of the most beautiful and yummy foods.

Swiss Chard is one of those adult foods my kids do not have a taste for as of yet.

Swiss Chard is easily disguisable in lasagna, soups and even hamburgers.

Did my mother do this?  Disguise food?

I never imagined owing vegan cookbooks.

But I'm glad I do.

If you ever EVER get a chance to go to a True Food Restaurant I highly recommend it.



Today

How do I start again?  What do I say?  What's my excuse? How can I possibly catch up?  

These are just a few of the many questions that run through my head when I contemplate a post.  I know the answers.  I'm okay with the answers.  Or so I tell myself. 

How do I start again?  Just do it.

What do I say?  What ever I want.

What's my excuse?  I don't need one.

How can I possibly catch up?  Who says I have to?

Just start.  Just write.  Just add a photograph.  Talk about today.  Or talk about 3 months ago.  Just do it.  Let go of should, could, would. 

So I start again.  With no promise of tomorrow or next week.  But a need for today. 

Cooper:

Has a face so beautiful it makes me melt

Came up behind me last week when I was washing dishes and randomly hugged me

Sent me a text and told me he loved me

Has consistently been getting 100's on his spelling tests

Has started baseball practice and STILL loves the game after all these years

Is listening better than he used to

Loves his iPod, the iPad and my iPhone

Has started spiking his own hair

Loves everything Under Armor

Still likes to sit on my lap, sit near me, sleep next to me, snuggle and know that I'm close by

Has almost no separation anxiety anymore

Has matured and become so grown up in the last year

Likes a tubby better than a shower

Is a morning person like me. Wakes up happy and never cranky

Is helpful

Loves tomato and fresh mozzarella salad

Is an absolute joy to have as a son

 

Duncan

Has a precious toothless smile at the moment

Slurs his speech a little because of his new expander

Balances on the edge of counters, chairs, stools, the tub and tables instead of sitting in chairs

Loves Top 40 music

Loves acting and performing

Is doing much better with his reading

Sleeps sideways, upside down, on top of me and on top of his brother

Has been know to fall out of bed

Is not a morning kid

Is the first to fall asleep (with me following close behind)

Loves all things creative

Loves art, crafts and decorating for the holidays

Loves legos, erector sets and anything he can build

Loves playing alone

Loves yogurt parfaits

Still wants me to carry him

Makes me cards, bookmarks, books, games and pictures

Is an absolute joy to have as a son

Today

I am pretty darn happy

I'm thrilled Spring is here

I'm looking forward to exciting new growth and ideas at work

I am totally loving my new tea pot

I'm really enjoying the story of HeLa cells

It makes me want to read The Warmth of Other Suns

But this and this look so good too...

I'm awaiting the arrival of my juicer in the mail so I can start my week long juice fast

I'm looking forward to taking the boys camping in a yurt with some friends in a couple weeks

I'm looking forward to a trip to Orlando and a trip to Dallas in April

I'm looking forward to picking the boys up tomorrow and kissing their sweet faces

I'm glad my mom and dad are home from the islands

My house is clean, my bed is made but I have a suitcase that still sits unpacked

DKL

1.) Wore his shirt backwards this day because he wanted the print on the back to be on the front.
2.) Is totally digging sunglasses this summer...he just bought his third pair.
3.) Can entertain himself for hours and hours and doesn't need toys to do it.
4.) Is extremely creative.
5.) Always writes an apology when he gets in trouble.
6.) Would rather be outside than in (even in winter).
7.) Loves to snuggle, be held, be carried, suck his thumb and play with my hair.
8.) Falls asleep pretty much anywhere...in the car, on a chair, on the floor...when he gets tired he just puts his head down and he's fast asleep:) (sound familiar?)
9.) Doesn't like cheese.  But loves asparagus, mangos, Ezekiel muffins and bacon.
10.) Loves green, blue and silver.
11.) Prefers sleeping with me over his own bed.
12.) Loves to sing and dance and act.
13.) Has a momma who is breathtakingly in love with him.  She loves his face, his smell, his touch, his thoughts, his moves, his life.

Favorite time

At times I am asked (usually on a "personality test" or random question email) "what is your favorite time of day"? I have to admit I struggle with this...it's hard for me to choose a favorite. I'm definitely a morning girl (much to the irritation of some of my friends and family). I love the crack of dawn, hot tea and the hustle and bustle of a day starting. But gosh, who doesn't love happy hour? I love that time of putting work to rest and saying "ahh". Hanging with the boys. Hanging with friends and family. Even hanging alone... For that short while, forgetting what "has" to be done and just relaxing. But. Then there is bedtime. I myself have always loved bedtime. In fact, my parents always said "sleep" was my drug of choice. And as much as I love bedtime for myself...I might love it even more for my boys. Being six and seven and male means from the time you wake in the morning until maybe 30 minutes before you crash and burn at night you live at warp speed. You play and fight and battle and run and hike and explore and entertain and laugh and cry and jump and hide and trick and wrestle and tumble and it goes on and on until it suddenly stops... And it gets quiet. This is the time of day that just might be my favorite. This is when I find them on the chair in my room...reading Shel Silverstein or stringing me a necklace. This is when they smell like babies again. This is when they are soft. This is when it's okay to snuggle with mommy. This is when they slow down to a speed that I can comprehend. This is when Duncan still sucks his thumb. This is when Cooper loves to play Uno and read to me and tell me stories. This is the time that is so good for me...it grounds me and reminds me of what is truly special and important in my life. Yes...this is my favorite...

New

It's all about "where do I begin"? Do I go all the way back to August and try and catch you up? Ugh. Double Ugh. For those of you that are close to me I think you know perfectly well that I would rather eat nails coated in battery acid before I would like to recoup the past few months. So what do you say we just start here, now, today? Here now today, as told through some photos from the last few weeks? The new backyard. With woods and trees and stumps and stuff for little boys to climb.

And new walls.

For little boys to draw and color on.

They did have permission...I promise...even though Cooper looks amazingly guilty...he is not.

New bedrooms.

With new doors.

For little boys to slide notes under.

And try and smash each other's fingers.

And to hang "keep out" signs on.

And best of all.

Lots and lots and lots of space to decorate.

We started off with Halloween and those lovely candy corn lights...

Stay tuned. Thank you for your patience. And to my close friends and family...thank you for your amazing love and support. I am digging out from the rubble. I am cautiously taking those few first steps, trying to find my footing. There are not words for the gratitude I have for all of you. I truly owe you my life.

Smile

Get away.

Put your feet in the water.

Slow down.

Take a deep breath.

Focus on what is good.

Keep calm.

Carry on.

Sunny

It seems only fitting to now blog about my other boy... This boy who looks so grown up and serious. So handsome. So amazing. This child who is in that wonderfully beautiful stage between little boy and little big boy... This child who gives his love so abundantly.

Let me share.

This is Duncan with blue blankey. These pictures are taken within weeks of each other. This is how Duncan holds blue blankey...with the embroidered rocking horse between his fingers and his thumb in his mouth. This is the ONLY time you will every see Duncan suck his thumb.

The top photo is the little big boy...the bottom photo is little boy...

Tonight I was holding Duncan who was holding blue blankey and as most of you know I call him Sunshine or "Sunny" for short...

Me: Oh Sunny, I love you sooo much.

Duncan: Oh Mommy, I love you too.

Me: Will you always be my Sunny?

Duncan: Mommy, I promise I will always bring light into your life...

Do you have any idea how drop dead incredible it was to hear that?

Focus

Sometimes when the world around me is nutty and crazy, I find it helps to focus on the good, simple, light things... *remembering how much I love taking (and looking at) photos of my boys *the smell of lavender soap in my bathroom *open windows, breeze *hummus with extra virgin olive oil *teaching Cooper ebay *sleeping with little boys that wear no shirts (they are soooo soft next to me) *sounds of nature on my iPod (totally dorky but very relaxing) *the smile that I know is on a friends face when we talk on the phone *wearing skirts and flip flops *giving Duncan a haircut...his face is way too cute to have hair all over it *clean sheets *reading Star Wars EVERY night to my boys

Hello

At first there was fun teasing, then irritated annoyance, followed up by "I loved the mean bad butterflies 6 WEEKS AGO" and now threats to delete the blog's bookmark. I get it; I do. And I wish that I had some glorious explanation for my absence. But alas...I have none. I think most of all I lacked inspiration. Sometimes I had the thoughts in my head but I was lackluster when it came to photography, or I would take a lovely picture and for the life of me could not conjure up anything remotely interesting to say about it. And then, well, there is my ongoing complicated relationship with March... I've been walking around with writers/photographers block. I needed inspiration...I needed aaahhhh with a smile. I just had to wait for it to come, I had to be patient and trust that it would return. And last night I think it did... I was busy fixing dinner, probably had a gazillion things running through my head, when out of the corner of my eye I see this out my pantry door... I knew what they were doing. I knew it was for me. Aaaaahhhh. Aaaahhhh with a smile.

It's that simple act. That act which one can not tell who derives more pleasure from, the giver or the receiver.

I see you my sweet. I see you making your momma smile. I see.

I get it; I do.

Around here

Around here our taste buds must not know that Autumn is a distant memory because Honey Crisp apples still top our grocery list. Around here our minds are ready for spring, ready for going out without a coat and ready to hear birds chirping in the morning. Around here there lives a very very poor blogger or at least a blogger with very little time to blog lately. Around here there is a new home nearing completion. Around here there is a 5 year old who learned how to whistle. Around here there is lots of Mark Knopfler playing. Around here I have two boys who know more about Star Wars than George Lucas does (or at least they think they do). Around here my house never seems to stay clean or even picked up for that matter. Around here I seem to wake up at 3am and lie there thinking about everything that needs to be accomplished. Around here we still have our icicle lights up...and absolutely no plans to take them down anytime soon. Around here I am looking forward to a shopping trip with Bryn and baby Katie on Friday. Around here I'd love to go on but I have two little boys who need tubbies.

"5"

Click on photo to enlarge and read text. He is 5. He is my sunshine. He loves Star Wars, Sponge Bob, stuffed animals, crafts and construction. He loves his brother and his family. He showers us with hugs and kisses. He is sweet and gentle...he still sucks his thumb with blue blankie. He loves everything lemon. He won't eat cheese or butter. He loves to snuggle. He loves swords, guns and light sabers. He weighs 38 pounds. He has a mother that is totally in love with him.

Goodbye 2009

Aaahhh...the last breath of the holiday. Playing at the table with new toys. I sat and watched. I closed my eyes and listened and reminisced. All the food, all the champagne, all the wonderful partying with friends and family. The shopping, the wrapping, the cooking and the decorating. It was all fantastic. The amazing performance of The Great Christmas Hunt on Christmas Eve was beyond hysterical. The memories. I sat and soaked up the last drips of the season - hopelessly in love with the magic. Goodbye 2009; you were good to us. We will remember you in photographs, stories and blog posts.

Top ten

1.) I miss bare feet 2.) I am TRYING to enjoy the process of building a house 3.) But I'm not really succeeding 4.) I had Cooper's Parent/Teacher conference and was reminded how absolutely in love I am with him 5.) I'm really looking forward to Saturday night with old friends and family up at my mom and dad's house 6.) I love coloring and creating and telling stories with my boys 7.) I am rolling my eyes and trying to be patient but above all...loving Duncan's infatuation with decorating for the holidays 8.) I'm looking forward to John Mayer's new album release on the 17th 9.) Looking forward to Thanksgiving, my WHOLE family being here this year and a short work week 10.) I can't wait to get all the slides digitized

How absolutely beautiful

This is a series of photos taken by Duncan yesterday. I love when my kids pick up the camera and just snap away. Sometimes they are trying to capture someone/something (me above) and sometimes they are just clicking away (the shoe and sky). Either way the results always amaze me. I remember taking a photography class in college and one of our assignments was to not look through the lens but rather put the camera at our hip (or anywhere) and just shoot away. Well let me tell you, to a perfectionist control freak virgo such as myself this was all but IMPOSSIBLE...because...well...what if it was a BAD picture, what if I WASTED film, what if it was blurry, what if I get 23 photos of the SAME thing, what if something wasn't centered, or what if something (or worse SOMEONE) was cut off, what if, what if?? Well, I'm 39 now...and I'm learning...I'm learning "so what"? So what if my head is cut off...I actually really like the photograph. It's my hands, it's my coat, it's a sunny fall day, it's relaxed...it's a lot of beautiful things in an imperfect photo.

Some of my "so what" comes from just getting older, living life, learning to let stuff go...but some of it my children teach me...and this I love

Hands

Ah the wonderful, simple hands of my children. Even the dirty hands...I love. I love the motion, the play, the discovery.

How cool

Really and truly I am not sure who is more excited about this...him or me? Cooper has been DYING to learn how to read so this weekend we picked up a really neat book set called "Bob Books" that teach reading. There are 5 packs, 12 books in each pack. Coop made it through the first two books in pack 1 this weekend. And might I add...he is BEAMING. Me? I am just a mom who is in love with her son. Seeing him so happy and impressed with himself just puts me over the edge.

September grace

Ah September...how I do love you. You are my birth month. You are the last beautiful taste of Summer. You have warm days and cool nights. Your weather brings flowers with the most amazing colors. You're back to school. You're apples. Your sky holds a lower sun. You introduce Autumn with such grace. There are songs written about you. You are a peaceful end to a Summer of fun. I will miss you sweet September...until next year...

Observing

I just love profile pictures of my children. I'm not sure what it is that attracts me but their profiles seem to enhance their innocence somehow. Their eyes always seem to be wide open...taking life in I suppose. Their features are still soft; still "childlike". I guess I'm catching them experiencing life and I feel as though I have captured a bit of their wonder and amazement. I feel special to be a participant...even if only through my lens.

More catching up

On Tuesday Cooper started Kindergarten. Absolutely no pictures were allowed...the most he would consent to was a photo of his backpack. Sigh. We have made it through week one with almost no tears. Day one was a gallant show of bravery on his part (and I suppose mine too if truth be told). He was scared no doubt about it, but wasn't going to let it show if it killed him. Day 3 he was having so much fun that he thought he'd try "after school care" which was fine until it was only him and one other girl left...that's when the aid said the "Where is my mommy? When is my mommy coming?" questions started. When I walked in at 4:45 there were definitely some red welled eyes that were clearly showing relief more than worry at that point.