Favorite time

At times I am asked (usually on a "personality test" or random question email) "what is your favorite time of day"? I have to admit I struggle with this...it's hard for me to choose a favorite. I'm definitely a morning girl (much to the irritation of some of my friends and family). I love the crack of dawn, hot tea and the hustle and bustle of a day starting. But gosh, who doesn't love happy hour? I love that time of putting work to rest and saying "ahh". Hanging with the boys. Hanging with friends and family. Even hanging alone... For that short while, forgetting what "has" to be done and just relaxing. But. Then there is bedtime. I myself have always loved bedtime. In fact, my parents always said "sleep" was my drug of choice. And as much as I love bedtime for myself...I might love it even more for my boys. Being six and seven and male means from the time you wake in the morning until maybe 30 minutes before you crash and burn at night you live at warp speed. You play and fight and battle and run and hike and explore and entertain and laugh and cry and jump and hide and trick and wrestle and tumble and it goes on and on until it suddenly stops... And it gets quiet. This is the time of day that just might be my favorite. This is when I find them on the chair in my room...reading Shel Silverstein or stringing me a necklace. This is when they smell like babies again. This is when they are soft. This is when it's okay to snuggle with mommy. This is when they slow down to a speed that I can comprehend. This is when Duncan still sucks his thumb. This is when Cooper loves to play Uno and read to me and tell me stories. This is the time that is so good for me...it grounds me and reminds me of what is truly special and important in my life. Yes...this is my favorite...

My current love affair...

Valentines from my children: Cooper: I love you because you bought me a Nintendo DSi. Duncan: I love you because you take care of me.

Keeping in mind...

After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn. And after every storm, there comes clear, open skies.

~Samuel Rutherford

Sunday afternoon

I'm not even sure what to say. I just love the photograph. My sister in law and I dream of creating a coffee table book...and we have lots and lots of ideas about what exactly would be in the book (every book is full of photographs)...but one idea is a book of body parts. This photo would definitely make the book.

This is Duncan on a Sunday afternoon playing at the kitchen counter. It just looks so "Sunday afternoon" to me.

I am blessed

because I have a niece who not only loves the camera as much as I do...but she takes beautiful photographs in the process. I finally got around to downloading my photos from the holidays and was overwhelmed when I came across these lovely pictures. She was at my house watching the boys a few days before Christmas - I love that she just picks up my camera and snaps away.

Love love love this one of the stockings and the tree. Awesome Kate.

But this one is particularly special. And this is the other reason I love my niece's photographs. She takes pictures of life happening. Of moments. She captures a feeling.

This is a photo of Duncan creating a book for me. On this particular day, Duncan got a little sad and missed me...so he called me and we talked for a bit and I suggested that maybe a nice way for him to express his feelings would be to make me a book. (1. I know he loves anything having to do with art/creating and 2. I figured it would be a nice way for him to convert a little sadness into happiness). My niece told me he got off the phone, went up to his room and came down with his arsenal of tools needed to create his book. Katie told me of how he diligently worked and colored on his masterpiece...he even made his own wrapping paper, wrapped the book and it was waiting under the tree for me when I got home.

Needless to say...the book was...well...perfect. Duncan's Luv Book. And not only did it help to make Duncan's day a lot brighter, but can you even imagine how it made me feel? I'll admit it...I cried (don't EVEN say you wouldn't have too).

Here is the page that Duncan was creating in the photo above...

The book itself is obviously a keepsake...but having the photograph of him creating the book and the story that goes along with it is an overwhelming added treasure. I love that someday I will be able to pull out this book and share it's story with Duncan. It's a simple story of a couple hours that took place on December 23rd, 2010. But it's also a huge story of an amazing event that occurred on December 23rd, 2010. Simple and amazing. Life.

*Thank you Baby Kate for the lovely gifts that I so often find on my camera. Thank you for your vision. Thank you for documenting. I love you to pieces sweetie.

New

It's all about "where do I begin"? Do I go all the way back to August and try and catch you up? Ugh. Double Ugh. For those of you that are close to me I think you know perfectly well that I would rather eat nails coated in battery acid before I would like to recoup the past few months. So what do you say we just start here, now, today? Here now today, as told through some photos from the last few weeks? The new backyard. With woods and trees and stumps and stuff for little boys to climb.

And new walls.

For little boys to draw and color on.

They did have permission...I promise...even though Cooper looks amazingly guilty...he is not.

New bedrooms.

With new doors.

For little boys to slide notes under.

And try and smash each other's fingers.

And to hang "keep out" signs on.

And best of all.

Lots and lots and lots of space to decorate.

We started off with Halloween and those lovely candy corn lights...

Stay tuned. Thank you for your patience. And to my close friends and family...thank you for your amazing love and support. I am digging out from the rubble. I am cautiously taking those few first steps, trying to find my footing. There are not words for the gratitude I have for all of you. I truly owe you my life.

Yes yes,

Yes, I understand. I will wait while you get up off the floor. You back and situated? My, I hope you didn't spill your coffee. Or worse yet, your wine. And it being my fault n'all. Okay. So here is my goal. I will post an actual real live honest to goodness post by the end of the weekend. I know I know. It's a lofty goal. But I'm feeling up to the challenge. See I figure if I put it out there, I'll have to keep my word. Kind of like telling the world around you you're gonna quit smoking instead of just "telling yourself". It's all about accountability. I'm gonna go do some calisthenics now...work on my breathing...stretch.

Pittsburgh

Thank you, thank you, thank you Grammy K and Pop Pop.

Thank you for the weekend.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the baseball.

Thank you for the zoo.

Thank you for the Uno.

Thank you for the hotel.

Thank you for the Kettle Corn.

Thank you for the Cotton Candy.

Thank you for the Lollipops.

Thank you for the Sting Rays.

Thank you for the Bumper Cars.

Thank you for the Race Cars.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for driving...the VW, the bumper car, the race car.

Thank you for coming in first place.

Thank you for the moments, that will become the memories, that will shape our lives.

A Kiss

As I am tucking Duncan in and kissing him goodnight...

"Mom, a kiss can have amazing possibilities."

Oh my dear sweet Duncan...yes, I believe you are correct.

Silver, Smiles and Moms

Say what you want...silver shoes just rock.

You know what else rocks? Moms. Moms in silver shoes. Me and my mom in silver shoes. Me and my mom. In our silver shoes. At my brother's birthday party. Smiling. Laughing. That's what rocks.

Color

Reminder

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

-Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Smile

Get away.

Put your feet in the water.

Slow down.

Take a deep breath.

Focus on what is good.

Keep calm.

Carry on.

Liberate

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson From her book: Return To Love